Where are you Daddy?


Black boys in today's society are hurting because of the absent father. I have talked with countless numbers of young boys who yearn for their fathers or a strong black man who will give them a sense of direction and guidance in life. The abandoned black boy grows up with a misguided perception of manhood. Many are taught at an early age that they must assume the role of "man of the house." This is confusing to young black boys because they don't understand what manhood is all about.


Black boys don't know how to act or respond when they are questioned about their absent father. Many say, it doesn't matter to me that he's not in my life. When boys make statements like this, they're disguising their true feelings. Every young boy desires to have a relationship with his father. When the father is absent, young boys internalize a sense of abandonment, rage and anxiety especially if their peers are fortunate enough to have visible father in their life.


Black boys tend to emulate other males in the community whether they are positive or negative. Sadly, the negative black males in the community tend to have great influence on the young black males behavior.  This happens because of the unwillingness of successful black men to mentor fatherless boys. This void opens the door for a gang leader or drug dealer to become the idle in the life of a young black boy. So often the cycle of social destruction becomes a rite of passage for many black boys in the community.


This negative experience reflects the pain that 70 to 80% of the black families in America experienced when boys grew up in a family where the father is absent due to incarceration, early death, divorce are abandonment. These early experiences often proved to be a major drawback in the lives of young black boys and their inability to form meaningful relationships with others. Many black boys feel a sense of rejection, shame and guilt about the absence of their father.


These early experiences, if not dealt with properly, have proven detrimental in the lives of young black boys. All too often, black boys experience similar situation of this type involving the absent fathers. They feel resentment, bitterness and jealousy towards other black boys who do have a responsible father in their life. The problem of the missing father is further compounded when young black boys grew up in a society that fears and misunderstands. This misdirected energy finds itself in the classroom and other organized structures that find it difficult to deal with black boys in any kind of meaningful way.   Many black boys resort to drug use and abuse followed by gang involvement which oftentimes leads to incarceration or a juvenile facility followed by prison.


Financially and economical hardship also contribute to the despairing act of the black fathers. Some men abandoned their family because they lack resources to adequately care for them. This is proving to be a major stumbling block for black men particularly in a racist society that fears and misunderstands them. In spite of all of these perils, many struggle to remain a vital entity in their respective households.


Black men must understand that regardless of the financial constraints, limitations and their inability to provide for the family, they must stick it out if they want to have loving children that will respect them as role models and parents. There can be no excuses for running out on the family. Where are you daddy?